1/2 page ad for Urban Moto T-Shirts

 

Advertisement designed for Urban Moto’s T-shirts.

See previous versions here and here.

I come up with and change the text for each issue of Urban Moto:

August ‘07:

Benjamin Franklin sought to cultivate his character by a plan of thirteen virtues:
1. TEMPERANCE – Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE – Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER – Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION – Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY – Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY – Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY – Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE – Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION – Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS – Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
11. TRANQUILLITY – Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY – Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
13. HUMILITY – Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

September ‘07:
(the text was taken from a spam email)  

A kind of snow, which hesitates
(Our fortitude grows dim in
By the design of our own silent eyes
Or else, like us, sunk into some long gaze
Seen. What you know is only manifest
Calling me to you with wild gesturings
Silence, are in his hand—birds in a snare;
As if your absence now concluded long ago.
Cuts out of its width (81). Unfair
They tear apart the mist, it is as though,
Swaying in unison beneath the snow,
snoozing. A schoolgirl on vacation gapes,
VIII. Russia: The Great Northern Expedition
—Now that you notice it—have just moved past
At San Biagio, in the most intense room
Covering the land—
In dense bare branches, or the ubiquitous
XXI. Flying in the Arctic
Never does any motion, sound, or light
My only thought is for what has
To listen, by the sputtering, smoking fire,
Through the back of the picture at the patch of white
Will hear the storm-blast of his clarion.
Over the chilly dale.
Snow haze gleams like sand.
Calling me to you with wild gesturings
IX. After the Great Northern Expedition
And piled up at the base of the columns
Rise, to the muffled chime of churchbell choir.
That open before me? What I see
Only whirled snow heaped up by whirled snow,
VIII. Russia: The Great Northern Expedition
Beyond ice floe and berg and ice-bound sea,
Sphinx of questioning substance, or a sort
Deep in the fog that quenches every ray,
It’s snowing, it’s returning to a town
He terrifies the Vast, he seems so wild;
One flash of eye, or blow one clarion-blast;

1/2 page ad for Urban Moto T-Shirts

 

Advertisement designed for Urban Moto’s T-shirts. I took the pictures in the ad of my sister. Yes, she’s of age, and no, you cannot have her phone number.

See previous version here.

I come up with and change the text for each issue of Urban Moto:

March ‘07:

Once upon a time, there was a girl with golden hair who wandered in drunk and stoned into Urban Moto’s office and found three T-shirts. She tried on the long sleeve one, and it was too big. Then she tried on the short sleeve T-shirt, and it was too small. Then she tried on the girls tank top and it fit just right. Just then, the managing editor, the art director and the art publisher – falling down drunk as usual – wandered in and saw the T-shirts spread across the floor. “Someone’s been wearing my T-shirt” mumbled the art director. “Someone’s been wearing my T-shirt” laughed the art director, “and it’s all stretched out!” “Someone’s been wearing my tank top,” said the managing editor and then kinda sputtered something unintelligible and passed out. The girl with the golden hair ran out the door with the tank top and was never seen or heard from again.

April ‘07:
Cream together: 2 cups butter, 2 cups sugar, 2 cups brown sugarAdd: 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanillaMix together in separate bowl: 4 cups flour; 5 cups oatmeal (put small amounts of oatmeal in blender until it turns to powder; Measure out 5 cups of oatmeal and only “powderize” that, NOT 5 cups “powderized” oatmeal); 1 tsp salt; 2 tsp baking powder; 2 tsp baking sodaMix: All of the aboveAdd: 24 oz. bag of chocolate chips and 1 finely grated 8 oz Hershey bar (plain).Add: 3 cups chopped nuts (any kind)Bake on greased cookie sheet (make golf ball sized balls) and bake about two inches apart. Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes. DO NOT OVERBAKEMakes 112
May/June ‘07:
In physics, mass-energy equivalence is the concept that all mass has an energy equivalence, and all energy has a mass equivalence. Special relativity expresses this relationship using the mass-energy equivalence formula E = mc² where E = the energy equivalent to the mass (in joules), m = mass (in kilograms), and
c = the speed of light in a vacuum (celeritas) (in meters per second).
This concept unites the concepts of conservation of mass and conservation of energy, allowing mass to be converted to forms of active energy (eg. kinetic energy, heat, or light) while still retaining mass. Also, active energy can be converted to particles which have rest mass. The total amount of mass and energy in a closed system remains constant. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, and in all of its forms, trapped energy exhibits mass. In relativity theory, mass and energy are two forms of the same thing, and neither one appears without the other.

1/2 page ad for Urban Moto T-Shirt

Advertisement designed for Urban Moto’s T-shirts. It is meant to over-excentuate certain anatomical features of the female model and be irreverant. I took the photos in this ad.

I come up with and change the text for each issue of Urban Moto.

September ‘06:

Please send $20 with a long-winded story about that one time you has sex with that hottie from the coffee shop who rides that really cool bike. Also send a double-spaced essay on the Crimean War and its relevance to modern engineering. Oh, and beer.

October ‘06: 

Send $20 in small, unmarked bills in a leather suitcase. Please do not include any body parts, hot jewelry, or anything that can trace the transaction back to Urban Moto.

November ‘06:

Send $20, a copy of your driver’s liscence, your social security number, your mother’s maiden name, your favorite pet’s name – or better yet the pet itself – and your first born. Blonde and redheads preferred.

December ‘06:

$20.
Untraceable and no dye pack rejects please.
No mistakes this time.

January ‘07:

Don’t just stand around naked – cover your shame!* For the low price of $20, you’re halfway there.
*please forward us pictures of your shame.

February ‘07:

Please give us your name, rank, serial number, breast size, the length from your index finger to the tip of your elbo, the number of times you have had sex, the time, amount and size of all your anxieties, rounded to the nearest tenth, and the distance from your ego to the floor. Okay, now take that number, add Avagadro’s constant, keep subtracting π until you reach a prime number, convert to hexadecimal and arrange the sequence into alpha-numeric order.