This is the first in a series of post that I plan on putting up on a my new site Shut The Fuck Up And… self help for people who are sick of bullshit.

What should you eat? I got a simple one-word answer for you:

Yup! That’s it. Eat plants. Study after study shows that a plant-based diet helps you live longer and helps with a lot of the common shit we all have to deal with as humans. Diabetes, obesity, cancer, Alzheimer’s, heart disease, stress – the list is long. Surprisingly, it can even un-fuck some of the damage you’ve already done to yourself. Bonus: It’s good for the environment.

Don’t believe me? This guy has the most convincing argument I have ever heard. He checked the science and bam! A plant-based diet is the way to go. Buy his book. Watch the video below. Go to his website. Get scared and then start eating plants.

Michael Greger, a real doctor laying down legit science.

It is possible to fuck this up, but it’s harder to get wrong than you may think. Here’s what you should do:

• Don’t eat crap. Don’t go for shit that has ingredients you can’t pronounce. Junk food is junk food, even if it doesn’t have meat.
• Eat fresh instead of packaged whenever you can.
• Learn a recipe or two.
• Vary your diet.
• Eat your fruits and veggies. Fruit is good, but berries are better. The green stuff is better than the white stuff. Get to know what “cruciferous” means and eat that.
• Don’t forget the protein. Google it (don’t forget to scroll past the ads). You might be surprised how much there is in some of the shit that grows from the ground.
• Take vitamin B12 supplements. Also recommended even if you do eat meat. It’s one of the few vitamins that actually works as a supplement.

That said, a crappy vegan diet still trumps a crappy meat-based diet. If you need a guru you can do the Daily Dozen diet. If you identify as Boomer, you can do the CHIP diet. If you don’t mind hippies, try Macrobiotics. If you like cults, there are plenty of vegan religions you can join. Or you can just start eating less meat and more plants.

Don’t be a dick about it. Don’t preach. Just eat plants.